Q. Do you hate women? The weirdest thing about your book isn't the drugs or the rock n roll depravity, it's the sexual parts. It's practically pathological and very disturbing.

A.Of course not. I love women. Duh. . . .

I tried to make the protagonist a little scary. The idea is that he starts off sweet and the city turns him evil. The final coke straw, the speed scene with Jillian, is where he becomes totally sociopathetic and soon after, I had to kill him.

I am not a misogynist. I am more of a misanthrope who likes a few people a lot. Some friends would describe me as a gregarious people-person, but as time passes me, I find myself less dependent on the company of humans. I like spending time alone, but am not a loner. I just feel happy working in my various mediums and they are less collaborative as I get better and better at what I do. I don't miss art-by-committee. I still play in a good little band, but it is not my main focus. My one-to-many communication (Internet, CDs, videos, books, etc.) gives me great satisfaction. And I sometimes interact back with the recipients. The beauty and spark that a very small percentage of the human race foster in their interactions with me make it worthwhile getting up each afternoon. But I would be happier if 75% of the world died a quick and painless death tonight. And happier still if the really stupid and really mean ones quit shitting out more and more pups.

Q. Is the girl on the cover really dead?

A. No. I staged the photos. It's a lover/good friend of mine who wishes to remain anonymous due to her respected position as a prominent civil litigation attorney.

Q. Do you take drugs? Are you clean? Are you in NA?

A.I may have taken drugs. I didn't take any today. No comment (N/A).

Q. Who are you? What are you doing here? Are you a hippie? What is all this stuff about saving trees in Appendix I?

A. I am not a hippie. (Though I do like to fuck them.) I think paper misuse is appalling. I am almost embarrassed to publish on paper when so many options are now available. People treat trees like shit. Most idiots in most offices I have worked in even print out all their e-mails. It makes the words seem more real to them. So, I have included very little white space in this book. I avoided putting a blank page before each chapter heading like classic book design would dictate. I used smaller type. Dig it. Don't just hug trees, fuck them. Hard. With Beauty. Make them smile. Conserve them. As if your life depends on it.

Q. Why did you write this book?

A.I couldn't help it. It is almost as if it were written through me.

Q. Is it really fictional? how much is factual?

A.My counsel has suggested that I not answer that question. So how's this: I am a virgin and I have never done drugs and it is 100% made up.

Q. Is there a message here?

A.No. Just a pornographically spiritual accounting, of a small attempt at a connection with the infinite. . . .a nifty little datacat that fits in your pocket. Enjoy.

Q. My band is called "Hooray for Everything", and it's nothing like in your book. What's up with that?

A.My cat's breath smells like cat food.

Q. What is it like making a book verses computer art and music?

A.A book works even when the power is out. You could read my book by starlight in the post-apocalyptic glow of all the computers melting.

It's odd though, with a band you have three other guys to share the worries and triumphs with. The book thing is quite solitary and odd.

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Q. Weren't you the singer in the band Bomb?

A. Yea. I also do solo music.

Q. This book makes me sick. How do you sleep at night?

A. If I have made you feel, I have succeeded. If you don't like it, don't read it.

"On a pile of money with many beautiful women."

Q. How old are you? How tall?

A. Born late May, 1964. I am a stocky, muscular 5' 4".

Q. What's the difference between an orange? ( sorry!)

A.Next.

Q. Why would I want to read your book anyway?

A.A desire to fly out of your little box. To live vicariously through Michael Dean. Or maybe boredom

Q. What's with all the footnotes? Are you ripping off that Jest book? Why don't you put them on each page rather than the back of the book?

A.Nope. I am an academic from way back. It seemed the only way to keep the nonlinear flow of the thoughts working in a linear format. Footnotes (along with LSD) were a precursor to the World Wide Web.

The footnotes were written to be on each page, but an importing limitation of Quark Express put them at the back. (Xtension programmers take note! Also, how about a way to automatically import a Quicktime image sequence, so I wouldn't have to manually input 147 frames for the flipbook functionality.) I was gonna painstakingly cut and paste them to the associated pages, not only was it a lot of work, but I liked them at the end. . . ."Makes the book interactive" is what Mike Kelley sez.

I like that other book, though. And I liked that guy's quote about how writing a book is like having a needy little retarded child following you everywhere you go. I spent so much time and money on this book. And loved it. Before even getting the books printed, I spent about 3500 dollars on printing out successive versions for proofreading, copies to send to agents and publishers, scanning pictures, computer time at Kinko's when my network and hardware resources were down or lacking. Also, thousands of hours spent acquiring and learning programs for image manipulation, page layout, fontography, Web design, word processing, database administration, running my own servers, etc. I triumphantly declared the book complete 20 or 30 times, only to think of more things that HAVE to be there, and find a place I where I typed "From" where I meant "Form", but didn't catch it the first 18 times through, as I knew what I intended.

I constantly backed up and uploaded to different servers in case my house burned down or my computer was stolen or viralized in an unrecoverable manner. I constantly scribbled additions on my hand (MY Palm Pilot) to improve it. I probably made three million keystrokes and a million mouse clicks or more. (Have a million on MouseCount just this year alone. . . .who knows how many are for the book?) All this while making records, earning a living and loving a whole lot of gals.

Q. Can I be your lover?

A.Send me a photo and letter. We'll see. What you gots to offer?

Q. You are a pig and I want to kill you.

A.That's not a question.

Q. Who published your book?

A. I did. After getting turned down by 40 presses, I did it myself. Self-publishing is no shame....what's good enough for Mark Twain, Frank Zappa and Henry Rolliins is good enough for me.

Besides, my book is good (and I proofread it!), unlike most of 10,000 crappy titles self-poooblished each year.

Printers? I'm going through Icon Press in Oakland. They rock. Tell 'em I sent ya.

(The press is only free if your friends own one!)

I did my own page layout also, using a cracked copy of Quark 4.0 (Thanks JP! Thanks Hotline!) Real men control every phase of the process (except in bed). Avoid disappointment! DIY!

(thanks to Skip Lunch for some questions.)