Application for John Huebner Memorial English Scholarship October 28, 1996

1. "Classroom activities that you participate in that demonstrate leadership abilities:"

When I first began classes here in the spring, I was approached by a member of the student council. She said that I had natural leadership abilities that would be applicable to student government. After careful evaluation of my schedule, I ascertained that I would not be able to give it my all, so I declined. I feel that I am alert, bright and a fast learner. I am getting better at listening, and knowing when it is appropriate to speak. As a result, I tend to be a little ahead of the class median. People often come to me in class and ask questions when an instructor is busy. Even if I am very busy, I always take time to help people.

2. "List activities and interests outside of school that demonstrate your leadership abilities:"

I play in a rock band called SLISH. Being in a rock band is like being in a 4-way marriage. Art by committee always requires diplomatic process, listening, and an ability to let others be "right." This is a difficult, yet rewarding process that one probably never masters. It is an ongoing dance that I have not perfected, even though I have played in bands since I was 15. >Once a month, I do volunteer work at Walden House, a recovery facility for drug addicts. I go and talk to teenagers about my previous drug use, and how I got clean and stay clean. I also bring in other qualified speakers. Having something useful to say to a room full of teenaged boys, many with criminal records, offers many challenges.

3. "Write a paragraph about your educational goals:"

I am approximately 1/3 of the way through the Microcomputer Business Applications Certificate Program. One of my goals is to complete this program and receive the ensuing certificate. I have several reasons for this. One is simply to complete something for the first time in my life. I want to make my family proud, and increase my self-esteem. I have tried college twice before, but was too busy partying, and flunked out. I also want the certificate so I can get a job temping if I don't make a living at music. My only other training is as a bike messenger, dishwasher and house painter. I have no love for any of these occupations. On a larger scale, I want to possess the skills symbolized by the certificate. I have a vague plan of doing something big with my life, bigger than rock and roll. Something of the magnitude of the invention of the electric lightbulb. I do not know what it will be, but I do feel that it will involve computers and bringing people together. I do not know if I will invent this process, or merely pioneer it, but there is a strong drive within me to find it. I feel like someone in the 1800s who wants to be a nuclear physicist or a movie star.

4. "Write a paragraph telling why you are qualified for this scholarship:"

I am intelligent, driven and broke. I am trying hard to be a living success story, at least to myself. I spent such a long time away from academia that I need help getting back. Even working as hard as I do at everything, I still feel very close to being overwhelmed at times. The scholarship would not only give me much needed economic help, it would encourage me that I am doing the right thing with my life.

Part Two:

1. "Think about a person in public life who you really admire. List personality traits and accomplishments that attract you to this person:"

I admire the major label recording artist Michael Frante. He lives in San Francisco. I see him on the street from time to time, and even though he is a star, he still has time to talk to me. He makes a very good living creating vibrant, socially aware (and danceable!) music, yet seems very down to earth. I always see him with his beautiful girlfriend and happy child. To me, Michael is the epitome of someone who quietly has his act together, yet affects hundreds of thousands of lives deeply.

2."Have you, or a person close to you, ever been in a situation that seemed difficult to deal with, but then pulled through against all odds?:"

I was an active drug addict and alcoholic, up until 2 years and 5 months ago. My addiction was a cunning and progressive disease cloaked in many layers of denial. I lost my band, my major label recording contract, my friends, my health, my guitars, my girlfriend, and almost died several times, yet thought I was doing all right. I finally got into recovery and still go to four or five 12-step meetings a week. Recovery is a difficult, yet very beautiful lifetime journey. I have to remember I am not cured, and my continued life is dependent on a "daily maintenance of a spiritual condition."

3. "Who is the most important person in your life? How has this person had a positive influence on your life?"

I think that the most important people in my life are my parents. I cannot choose one over the other. They taught me basic Christian values that, even though I am not a Christian, have been a guiding voice in the back of my head always. No matter what I have done wrong in my life, I have always done it despite a little warning voice in my heart. The voice is sometimes my mother and sometimes my father. My parents have always loved me, no matter what. They also have always told me that they love me, and that they are proud of me. I have met many people who have not been this lucky, and their lives are often quite miserable.

4. "The president is coming over for dinner. You tell him what is on your mind and what you want him to do about it:"

I think that two of the biggest problems in the country (and the world) are drug abuse and overpopulation. I know from experience that people will take drugs no matter what, and that criminalizing drugs only increases violence and stealing. We saw this during prohibition, and are seeing it again with crack cocaine in all inner cities (and many smaller towns.)

I would tell the president that I favor decriminalizing and regulating all drugs, and putting money currently spent on the "war on drugs" into education and rehabilitation. Many addicts want to quit, but cannot do so on their own. Yet there are not enough beds in rehabs, so the waiting lists are long. If we are to make a dent in drug use, I feel we must provide access to humane rehabilitation facilities the day addicts want it. The word "wait" is not in the vocabulary of the drug addict. Recovery is an amazing process. I have seen violent criminals turn themselves around into helpful, happy and productive citizens.

Overpopulation is a problem that needs to be addressed immediately. The world population has doubled in my lifetime, but the available resources have not. I feel this exponential choke on the earth. I feel it every time I walk down a street, take a bus or stand in line. The more people there are, the more we are packed in closer and respond in anger. The more people that there are, the more many of them are caught between the cracks of the system, and lose basic human rights like food, housing, employment and a sense of identity. When people lose these things, they are more likely to search for them in drugs, gangs, crime and other anti-social behavior.

What to do about this problem is trickier. Part of it seems to be related to religious attitudes that encourage unchecked birthing. Something that has worked in to some extent in several third world countries is economic incentives for voluntary sterilization. Some people view this as racist or classist, but even as a closet liberal, I disagree. I think that the logrhythmic population increase we are experiencing mandates actions like this, before we choke ourselves out. I already have one child that I am currently unable to care for. (although another reason I want to do well in school is to be able to help provide for her) If it were paid for by the government (or anyone) I would gladly elect to get a vasectomy.

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