**** Dead Kennedys' Trial****
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I went to the Dead Kennedys' trial and sat in for a couple hours today. I was invited by guitarist East Bay Ray, in a seemingly group e-mail. I definitely had an interest in the trial--I count people on both sides of the argument as friends. Jello Biafra has always been cool to me, used to come see Bomb, and quotes me about the Internet in his spoken word performances. He wrote me a letter in 1982, looking for a copy of my band, Baby Opaque's record. The fact that one of my few professed heroes wrote ME was probably, in some way, an impetus for me moving out to California. On the other side of the trial, East Bay Ray played on one cut on my recent solo record, and we jammed a bit when I first moved to the Bay Area in 1985.
But the main reason I was there, other than for the gossip quotient (which was one of two reasons I gave Biafra when he asked me at the break) was the other reason I gave him and Ray's lawyer (who was also once my lawyer--I may still even owe him money) was "to make sure I am never in this situation." I see this court with fear--former best friends who both have good points to their story trying to nail each other to the fucking wall. It sickens me. I felt in this court similar to how I used to feel as a child after my parents' divorce whenever they would have to be in the same room. I knew almost everyone in the courtroom who was not a juror or judge. (I wouldn't have made a good juror in this case. Although I generally get out of jury duty when called. If you tell them you are psychic and already know the outcome, or wear an NWA T-shirt, you get dismissed pretty quickly.)
In case you don't know, the issue at hand is that the three members of Dead Kennedys other than the singer Jello Biafra contend that Biafra should have raised their royalty rates when he raised the wholesale price of a CD. Biafra and the label contend that that money was put back into the promoting other bands. Ray put this argument very succinctly and got a laugh from everyone when he explained why he stopped working for the label, that he saw it as a conflict of interest. When asked to elaborate, he said that a label's MO is to "Pay as little as possible as slowly as possible" and an artist wants to be paid "as much as possible, as quickly as possible."
How did this ever even get to court? Isn't this why God gave us the independent arbitration system? I mean, even from a purely financial standpoint....If you wanna try to get money from someone who doesn't have a lot of money, wouldn't it make sense not to spend all the money on lawyers before you even have a chance to get any money?
I was dressed for court, ironically. I was wearing a suit and had my hair tied back in a "power pony" from a previous meeting with an investment consultant I was querying about options for kittyfeet Media. I came into the courtroom expecting a media circus (I have a feeling that Ray expected the same when sending out the e-mailing.) Perhaps there were more people earlier in the week or day, and maybe most punk rockers cannot sit through court. As Ray told me "It ain't TV". Two hours was my personal limit.
There were only three other people in the observation chairs. Vale, the publisher of ReSearch magazine (the only other person there who is buddies with both sides) and a reporter from Sonicnet.com. I came up behind him at a break and whispered "MTV get off the net...." (Sonicnet.com, trying to sell themselves as the hip new underground thing, is owned by MTV. I wonder how his sound bites will sound coming out of Kurt Loaded's mouth. Probably will be just attached at the bottom of the Metallica/Napster story.)
The only other person in the box was some crazy lady who immediately shuffled me outside as soon as I set foot in the place. She was about 50, well dressed and attractive. I thought she was a bailiff who was going to deny me access to the trial. But she thought I was a lawyer and told me she was a songwriter and needed representation. Man, are you ever in the wrong place, lady. .....That trial is absolutely the last place in the world someone should be seeking help starting a music career! It would be like hanging out by a car crash and asking for driving tips.
I made up something quick, "Um....no, I'm a reporter." She then told me she was (is?) friends with Jimi Hendrix and had a great story about him. She wouldn't let me go until I gave her my an e-mail address.
She is insane. (The papers she made me write my e-mail address on looked like SSI papers.) It just reminded me how I am such a magnet for psychos, and this is why I don't leave my house much any more. Even in a suit, they can smell me in a crowd. I gave her the account I reserve for spam and quickly went back into the trial.
There seemed to be no bailiff in the courtroom. I would think a trial like this would have extra security, not less. Hmmmmm........maybe someone overlooked that intentionally, hoping some red blooded American would show up and do some damage.
It was pretty neat watching these 12 common citizens and three alternates (all the jurors looked pretty straight. I cannot imagine any of them as "peers" of anyone on either side of this lawsuit) try to not smile when presented with testimony containing the terms "Jello Biafra, D.H. Peligro, Klaus Fluoride, East Bay Ray, Decay Music, Alternative Tentacles, Bug music, Crucifucks, Tragic Mulatto, Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables, Frankenchrist, etc. etc. Also, at the front of the courtroom there was one of those large, expensively produced visual aids that lawyers love so much, a chart of all Dead Kennedys' releases over the years, with their shocking covers (one of which was once the subject of a courtroom drama unto itself) and the corresponding numbers for record sales. I was surprised to see the true breakdown on some slabs of vinyl that were so damn influential to me and others. They all averaged around 150,000 sold. Amazing that this band only sold about ten times what my little group sold. And they sold fractions of what far less "relevant" punk bands are selling now, bands utilizing a sound and stance these guys on trial helped forge.
We didn't hear from Klaus and D.H., they just sat there looking "damn right" and calm as Ray carefully answered questions. Ray was great, addressing the jury and explaining the intricacies of mechanical publishing rights using analogies of Cole Porter and Frank Sinatra, brilliant for this crowd.
I also dug that Ray explained his job with the band to include "playing guitar, writing songs, touring, watching after the books while petting my kitty." Ahhhh...he and I share a similar California dream....
Afterwards he shook my hand and he was shaking. I told him to remember to breathe.
After the break, Vale and I sneaked "backstage" (the lawyers' deliberation room) and helped ourselves to the fruit and pastries and good coffee. Funny, if you wear a suit you can get away with anything. I will have to remember that.
I like Biafra and I like Ray. The whole thing was painful, and I won't go back tomorrow. I can read the outcome in the papers.
It has made me take a vow to get everything in writing in all my dealings, even (or especially) among friends.
On my way out, one of the lawyers, one of two mentioned that day who had represented me at different times, chatted me up and asked me why I came today. I said, "You come to my shows, I come to yours." We both laughed.
I just wish I could have been in New York today, for the trial where Conan O'Brien's sock puppet is getting sued by Pets.com's sock puppet. Throw in Metallica suing 300,000 of their fans and it is an odd week indeed.
In the end the lawyers always win. They get paid no matter what the ruling.
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See you later, I've got Metallica songs to download.
Michael W. Dean
