Dec. 14, 1996

Teri Darklove
That Street
Providence, R.I.

Dear Ms. Darklove

Meow. There are cats in here, and the cats are stoned, and it is bugging me.

I hate it when the cats get into the pot supply and smoke it. There is nothing more irritating than stoned kitties.....the kitties are just laying around in a pile and meowing cantankerously. The amount of feline lethargy in this room is not only unprecedented, it is unconscionable. There ought to be a law against providing pot access to kitties.

table presenting the decrease in productivity among the cats since they started getting into the pot.

A Feline Table of information

MONTH	HOURS A DAY THAT CATS SPENT TYPING	RESEARCH DISCOVERIES SPEARHEADED BY THE CATS	MONEY EARNED (IN THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS)
AUGUST	7 1/2	4	14.9
SEPTEMBER	3.2	n/a	6
OCTOBER	.9	n/a	.91
NOVEMBER	.09	n/a	-3*

*The kitties habit was so large by November that they were spending far more of company funds on pot than they were earning.

IN CONCLUSION It is that recommendation of this committee that an intervention be performed today, and that the kitties be taken to a 90-day residential treatment program with mandatory out-patient follow-up. If they refuse, we recommend immediate dismissal, for the good of the kitties and for the future of the company.

IF YOU HAVE ANY FURTHER QUESTIONS, PLEASE CONTACT ME AT BOX xxxxxxx, SAN FRANSLISHCO, CA 94142

Thank you,

Michael W. Dean,

Personnel Director