March 2003
My Texas Girlfriend
and DIY tour.
Written on tour
(note--we're now exes,
but still good friends, as of July 2003)
I'm in Texas, it's
beautiful here. I'm in a small town 30 minutes from Houston.
It was 75 degrees
today. Tiffany and I went and had dinner at a Texas rib joint. With real steer
heads on the walls. People in Texas put Tabasco sauce in their coffee. Try it.
It’s excellent. A couple drops’ll do ya.
----------------=
How I met Tiffany:
So, basically my new
part-time long distance girlfriend in Texas….um…well, she ordered my movie and
we started chatting. We really liked each other even before she saw the film.
We turned into a couple giggling school kids and e-mailed and called a lot every
day. Three weeks later I got a ticket and went to see her for 12 (!) days. We
went on tour with my film and fell in love. Didn’t fight much. Got along great.
Will see each other soon. Either she will come here or me there.
----------------=
(she wrote this):
DIY or DIE essay contest!
in 300 words or less,
answer the question “You do art? what kind?”
The winner will receive
a personal ten-day visit from director Michael W. Dean, who promises to “Be
the sweetest cat. The best cat. Really.”
Send entries to (not a clickable
link. Helps prevent spam. You have to actually type the address in an e-mail.
Imagine that.)">mwd1To contact, send an e-mail to: 
(not a clickable
link. Helps prevent spam. You have to actually type the address in an e-mail.
Imagine that.) . contest winner
must drive Michael W. Dean 1400 miles during the duration of the visit.
----------------=
She also said, “Order
a copy of the movie and get a free boyfriend!”
----------------=
Actually, this post
she sent to the Mike Watt Yahoo group sums it up well:
This THANK YOU mail is really to erin mclean, chris frascella,
skiptracerx, and ryan gear. and of course watt.
Not quite 2 months ago ya'll informed me of the DIY or DIE:
How to
Survive as an Independent Artist documentary. i ordered the
dvd
from the filmmaker, michael w dean's website and got back
the
questionnaire "how did you hear of us? do you do art?
what kind?"
and since i have a bit of a chip on my shoulder about east
and west
coasters who think there's no art in Texas, i told him about
houston's amazing independent modern dance and theatre scene
and my
involvement in it.
this turned into several more emails, and phone calls, and
several
hundred more emails, and culminated with michael dean flying
to
houston. the two of us drove all over texas and louisiana,
sightseeing and showing the movie and falling ass-over-handlbars
in
love with each other. which might not have happened without
you. so
thank you again. lots of love, tiff
“Nutra” is short for
“Nutria”, the large rat/beaver like creatures we saw dead all over the highway
in Louisiana. Nutra is Tiff’s pet name for me. Or one of them.
Here’s a photo of
a Nutra:
Nutras are a big problem
in the swamps. They are not native to the state, but took over since the 1930s.
The state will give you 4 bucks for every one you kill. We were joking about
starting a Nutra fur business, until I found they actually exist. We were gonna
get prisoners to do the harvesting and pay redneck girls to model them.
Tomorrow tiffany and
I drive to new Orleans.
I'm having a blast.
I know I’ve said this before, but this is the coolest chick ever. I adore her.
and we've spent almost every minute together for 5 days and I’m not sick of
her at all.
Yesterday while we
were in San Antonio showing my flick, we went to the Alamo. It's neat. Got to
see Jim Bowie’s knife and Davy Crockett’s vest and gun.
Funny redneck sign
by the highway—some Texan put up a sign in his field that says “Terrorists,
don’t mess with Texas! Remember the Alamo!” (It’s kind of a funny minced metaphor…
“Don’t mess with Texas” is the cool anti-litter slogan here, but “Remember the Alamo”? Texas got its ass kicked
at the Alamo….so I don’t know what this is telling terrorists.
sign at the Alamo
Tiffany is pretty,
funny, foxy and a smidge smarter than me. She’s 30 (looks a lot younger) and
is a modern dancer with a really cool troupe in Houston called Suchu Dance.
(http://www.suchudance.org/ ).
She’s the closest
thing I’ve had to a girlfriend in about 3 years, since I broke up with Tish
in San Francisco.
Tiffany is very intelligent,
well read and liberal in most ways, but a typical ethnocentric redneck in other ways. She is really
into being a Texan, and considers everyone else a damn Yankee. (Even people
from the South!). I called her a redneck and she said, “Yeah, I am. A good haircut
and an art school education don’t change that.”
Texas has a LOT of
regional pride. There is the Lone Star logo EVERYWHERE, even hipsters have tattoos
like “Fuck you, I’m from Texas” and Texas state flag tattoos. The flag is everywhere
too. And everything is named Alamo this and Lone Star that.
The name “Lone Star”
comes from the fact that Texas was in fact a country before joining the Union.
I must say that there
is a mystic quality to living in this state that does not exist elsewhere. Even
very square people tap into this spiritual connection in some way. It’s deep,
cowboy, it’s deep.
It is even kinda shown
somehow in King Of The Hill, one of my favorite shows. I watched KOTH actually
IN Texas today for the first time in my life. I loved it. And people in Texas
love that show, believe it or not. It’s dead on.
By the way, Luanne
Platter on KOTH is named after the children’s plate at Texan chain restaurant,
Luby’s.The kid’s plate there is called the “The Luanne Platter”.
Tiffany DID win my
essay contest. I was looking for a new girlfriend and had a bunch of criteria
which she met in spades, including living in a different state. (I can’t really
have a girlfriend in LA or I’ll never get anything done.). It’s fate.
I think I’m going
to be coming out to Texas a lot over the next year. As much as I can. And she’s
gonna come see me. We adore each other. She’s my long-distance part-time soul
mate. Meow.
Her house is huge,
fun, idyllic, messy and pretty. Big yard, I just sit on the porch and play guitar.
I haven’t been this
happy in years. Probably because we were both very happy and content alone before
we met each other. That’s way cooler than looking for someone to “complete”
you. I actually think that’s kinda weak and codependent. But it’s what passes
for love with most humans.
Tiffany and I call
coffee “Yip dog juice” because it makes us yappy like one of those little pups.
Tiffany and I didn't
realize it was spring break when we checked into a hotel full of drunk 18 year
olds in the French Quarter while we were in New Orleans. Between them running
up and down the hall and yelling, and the fact that our room shared a common
wall with the laundry room and I had to listen to the dryer all night, I barely
slept. (Tiffany slept fine. She’s not a pussy like me). It made for a good story
in retrospect, but I felt like a cranky old man because I asked the clerk to
put us in a different room. He told me we got the last one. I almost believe
him.
BACK IN HOUSTON……Tiffany
just went to modern dance rehearsal. It's my first time apart from her in five
days. It's mellow. Her house is huge. 1/3 acre yard. Really mellow and pretty.
I love it. It belongs to her dad and the yard is big and she has a really cute
really dumb Dalmatian and a cute cute cute kitty named Vessie (short for Velocikitty).
Vessie has really long hair and stalks invisible things.
Me with Vessie. She
blends in with my coat. Taken on Tiff's porch.
We’re having so much
fun. Tiff's my friend, good friend, as well as my lover.
